So my sweet boy turned 4 weeks yesterday.. I can not believe it has been that long, it seems to have flown by and to drag at the same time. So I just have to confess that although I LOVE nursing, and I know it is the best option for him and for me, it wears me out. It seems as soon as I feed him and get him settled, and get up to try to tend to Bella or heaven forbid get some housework done it is time to eat AGAIN..How do women with more than one older child and a newborn ever have time to cook, do laundry, have a semi-clean house, eat a meal, sleep, or for that matter have time to make more babies???? Argh my poor husband, if I have an extra half hour I'm going to sleep! lol I know it will get better, it has been better already. I guess I'm just having one of "those" days today. We have been truly blessed to have my MOPS group ( which I still haven't made a meeting yet) to bring us food. It has been so nice to not worry about dinner..
I really am trying to work harder on loving myself. We have a gym membership at a nice gym threw our lease, and I have gone twice in the last few weeks. The first time I went ( 3 weeks postpartom) I did the elliptical, treadmill, and stationary bike all for 15 mins each. I couldn't figure out why I felt like I might pass out when I was done. I then realized it was almost 6pm and all I had to eat that day was a English muffin with peanut butter. How the heck does a obese person forget to eat all freaking day? Plus I forgot to pump before I left so my boobs were aching the whole time, it just wasn't very fun. So Aram offered to watch the kids last night when he got home from work, so I could go to the gym and try again. I did 50 mins of cardio ( I did eat yesterday, and pumped before I left), and it felt so good to just sweat. I can't explain why, but it has been so long since I was able to do cardio that long, and it was relaxing it was nice to have 50mins to myself too..
I'm still at 25lbs down since I had Colton, which is awesome BUT I'm just a few pounds less than I was before I got pregnant. I really want to lose 50 more. When I was 21 and lived in Ohio I was 50lbs lighter and I remember feeling good. I felt pretty. I mean I could lose over 100lbs, but I really just want to be healthier and feel better about myself. I know my problem is my food intake. I've been thinking about re-joining weight watchers, there is a meeting like a block from my house. Last year at this time I was doing WW and training for their annual 5k walk. That is how I got pregnant ( well not technically how I got pregnant but I lost enough weight training to jump start my ovaries) But I have been doing research and they suggest (along with ever other weight loss program) that nursing mothers wait 6-8 weeks postpartom before starting WW to ensure your milk supply is intact. That is another 2-4 weeks away. But I can continue working out. So i guess I will wait a little longer to start that.
I'm just impatient and I want things to be different NOW. With everything that has happened the last 6months I just am ready to quit making excuses for my life and just start living it again. I want to feel beautiful, and confident. I want to feel like when my husband says he thinks I'm beautiful, I believe him again. I want my daughter (and my son) to grow up feeling confident about them selves and not always picking their bodies apart. I know if I'm always complaining about how ugly and horrible I look, my children will learn that behavior and I don't want them to ever think they are less than perfect.
Bella is waking up from her nap, and Colton needs to eat so mommy's blogging time is over.. It was nice to be able to blog today :)
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